Stranger in a Strange Land: September 2007

Friday, September 28, 2007

Hoops and Bands

There is a significant amount of tradition and stupid rules that go into both asking to get married and actually getting married. The nice thing is, once you jump through all of those hoops and actually get married, the rules seem to disappear and nobody really gives a damn about tradition. But, before you get to relax, it’s time to jump through hoop number one: buying a wedding bands. Not a wedding ring, that comes later, just the band.

Here's a Concept

Despite the fact that the mortgage business in the United States as of late sucks (to put it bluntly), you are still alive. Unlike during the Great Depression, there will be no taking of you own life because of financial distress. Instead, why not invest in something that looks towards the future why reminiscing of the past? That’s right, I am referring to mortgage life insurance.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

My Mini-Van's Pimped

Are you somewhere in your late twenties to mid-thirties. The shock of your first job and the money you made that allowed you to go out and buy that sports car are gone. Now the sports car has been sold and you have responsibilities, like a more important job, house mortgages and maybe even a family. Now your life is summarized by a mini-van or an oversized, box-like SUV. Don’t fear, reclaim your youth by adding a car spoiler to jazz up your wheels.

The Great Migration

Winter is quickly approaching and for those of us who reside in the upper half of the states or that large iceberg popularly referred to as “Canada”, it means now is the time to start planning the annually Great Migration. We’re invading the South, again… This time all we want is their sun and warmth. Don’t wait too long to plan your Orlando vacations, otherwise you might find yourself in some luke-warm place, like Arkansas or something.

Friday, September 14, 2007

According to the Prophecy of ZZ Top

According to the bearded ZZ Top, who apparently get all the ladies, somehow, know the key to buying a woman’s heart: a pearl necklace. Sure, Prince and his New Power Generation claimed it was Diamonds and Pearls and half a million others say that simply Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend. But what do they know? ZZ Top are the prophets of love. It must be those cheap sunglasses they wear.

Welcome to the Jungle of Love

As a kid, remember how fun decorating your bedroom could be? No only could you decorate your walls with cool posters and clutter your shelves with transformers or baseball cards, you could actually create a theme centered on your choice of bed spread. For example, you could buy animal print bedding and then get matching wall paper and lamps and pillows. Maybe I’ll do that again now, would leopard or zebra print bedding be too tacky? Or just down right sexy?

I'm Starving, But at Least He Loves Me

I do not know the first thing about jewelry, except that it is expensive. Also, its shiny so I assume the cat will attack it. But some people like jewelry, obviously, and so there are jewelry stores everywhere. I believe they are behind the conspiracy of the wedding ring. Like a Hallmark-created holiday, the jewelry stores have convinced everyone that your fiancé does not really love you unless he sacrifices at least one month’s salary on your diamond. So you may starve that month and have your house foreclosed, but god damn, at least you know he loves you.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

An Army of Advancing Money

The concept of a cash advance seems like money started growing on trees. Or perhaps an army of one hundred dollar bills, fed up with living paycheck to paycheck, have decided to besiege you and are starting their advance. Let’s face it: Shit happens, and it usually costs money- money you don’t have. Everyone needs a mayday sometimes. That’s what the cash advance is for.

Style in a Box

There’s nothing like wholesale clothing. It beats the crap out of partial-sale clothing. Whatever that means. With wholesale clothing, its like going to Sam’s Club and buying in bulk. Why just buy one white t-shirt and one pair of black trousers when you could fill your entire wardrobe with this style in one single shopping trip? What you lack in variety, you make up for in consistency.

Turn Your Holiday into Cash

Lawyers are everywhere. And although most people despise them, we have all needed them at one point are another. Take for instance if you were on vacation and somebody runs you off the road why driving through North Carolina on the way to the coast. Are you going to just let it go and let the bastard ruin your vacation? No! You’re going to call a Raleigh personal injury lawyer and make some money off your vacation.