Stranger in a Strange Land: June 2007

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Damn Yankees

I hate the New York Yankees. In fact, I more than hate them, I despise them. Every morning I get up, run to the door, grab the sports section, flip to the standing and laugh my ass off as I see the Yankees still over ten games behind the Boston Red Sox. Just goes to prove that money can not buy you everything. But if happen to find yourself in New York and can not resist going to at least see Yankee Stadium before it is laid to rest, with a little money even I might break down and buy some yankees tickets.

A Dog's Life

With all the bad things going on to pets thanks to tainted dog and cat food, it seems like you can not trust anything that comes off the shelf. Instead, you find yourself giving Fido Premium dog food. In the end, it seems that the dogs are making out the best in this deal. Instead of dried or mushy food, they get organic flakes or freshly grilled steaks. Of course, all this really means is that after this food scare passes, we’ll be faced with trying to tell a spoiled dog why they can no longer join the family at the table for dinner.

Research Just Makes Sense

Prior to entering into any business or other financial transaction or venture, it is essential that you conduct proper market research. Without laying the groundwork of researching the market, you have no idea what your business needs to do to be successful- and that is just risky business. The most profitable businesses will do lengthy, in-depth research on the market and then design their business plan around the finding of their research. Remember, good market research is just good business.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Memory Boost

My computer can only remember so much stuff. With documents, photographs, videos and lots and lots of music, its memory is becoming a bit full. However, unlike us mere mortals, a computer’s memory can be boosted, expanded or given another brain completely. For example, you can purchase additional IBM memory and increase your computers memory capacity. With more memory space, you can go on with filling it up with more photos and videos and music…

Down with Math

As an independent contractor and self-employed individual, I need to carefully monitor my finances and business budgets. Being no Einstein when it comes to adding and subtracting or any other math related activity, I can not trust this important task to myself. Instead, like most things in this modern life, I must turn towards technology to save me from my mathematical misery. Thus, I have come to depend on budgeting software for all my financial and business needs.

Stop the Interruptions!

Your house is full of buzzing and whirling electronic gadgets. In fact, there are so many of them that their electronic waves are in competition with one another and may actually harm your devices. Electromagnetic Interference (EMI) and Radio Frequency Interference (RFI) are forms of electromagnetic disturbance that may interrupt the functioning of other electronic devices. To protect your electronic devices from such interruptions, you need to build a force field…or at least invest into EMI Shielding.

Insurance Assurance

As if children are not expense enough, with clothing, food, school, and such, add to this the cost of child insurance and you might have to take out a second mortgage on the house. However, you really can not afford to not have insurance for your child, whether it be health, dental, accident or life. In fact, with all the insurance providers, you are bound to find a package that meets both your needs and your budget.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

My Kingdom

Remember as a kid how important it was to make sure your room was cool. Back before the days when blasé marriage sophistication took the Scooby Do or Batman and Robin out of the bedroom, one’s bedroom was an expression of oneself. And of course since one is a kid, and your personality and interest tend to change once every forty-eight hours, your room’s décor also rapidly evolved. At the center of this evolution was the bed set. Here you could legally and safely sleep with a spandex clad adult male on your kids bedding and nobody would even raise an eyebrow. Those were the good old days…

Monday, June 04, 2007

Let's Get, Let's Get, Let's Get...Rocked?

It’s that time again. The weather is warming up, summer is just a short distance away and all those classic rock and roll acts are coming to a town near you. When I was a kid, this category of bands included the bands my parents listened to. Such greats as Three Dog Night, BTO and the Guess Who. Now, ten years later, this line up includes bands that I listened to in grade school: Poison and, the one and only, Def Leppard. Don’t miss this opportunity, be sure to check out the def leppard tour schedule and get ready to Get Rocked.

Power Boost

It Monday. I stayed up to late last night. I got up to early this morning (thanks in part to my four a.m. ‘feed me’ alarm by my cat and a five a.m. phone call from Belgium informing us that we now have an apartment). Thus, now that it is Monday afternoon, the morning coffee has worn off and I am in desperate need of an Energy Supplement to get to the five (o.k., who am I kidding, the 3:45) o’clock hour.

I'm Outta Here

I’m moving (at least my stuff) in less than a week, and I have not even started to pack. Although we have decided to ship most of our furniture overseas with us (yes, even the big bad red couch is going to become an expatriate big bad red couch), we now have some other furniture to get rid of. So go to your nearest discount furniture wholesaler and look for the one and only Klenske Collection.

The Philosophy of Nick

It’s graduation time again. But for once, I am not graduating. However, I am moving, which is kind of like graduating. And if I were to give a commencement speech at my fictitious graduation, and you, reader, were my fictitious audience, I would tell you this:
“Today means nothing more than yesterday. In fact, today would be just like any other day if it weren’t for all the mysterious envelopes people are going to give you. On the outside of these envelopes you will find your name. On the inside of these envelopes you will find a card. Inside of this card you will find some money, usually in the form of a check or cash. Depending on the age of the person who gave you the card, the check or cash may or may not be a very much. Nonetheless, there is more to this folded piece of cardboard then being a place to hold money. Written inside there’s probably some cute saying about this being “The greatest day of your life” or “Congratulations” and “The future is yours”.
I’ll let you in on a little secret; you don’t really need to read the card because I’m going to tell you what it should say:

“Some of you will go on and do great things. Others will go on and do bad things. And most of you will simply go on without doing very much of anything at all. Good luck.”

That being said, no matter how you end up going on, may your path always be in pursuit of finding The High Life. To help you discover this mythical utopia, let me provide you with some advice to guide you along the way. I suggest you commit them to memory under the heading, “Nick’s 15 Commandments to Living the Highlife”.

I. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Then spike it with vodka so it doesn’t taste as sour.

II. Travel. Leave. In fact, go away. Explore your world and see what you find. You will be surprised that foreign people are far more like you than television wants you to believe.

III. Don’t be racist. And if you ever hear someone proclaim, “I’m not racist, but…”, run like hell, for they are the most dangerous kind.

IV. If you graduate from college with an entirely worthless degree like English, Political Science or Philosophy and you’re looking for something to do, be a teacher. But if you become a teacher and find that although the ideals are worthy, the pay is crap, go to law school. And if you become a lawyer and realize that although the money is good, the ideals are crap, become a teacher. If you have already tried that, then simply go and be what you wanted to be in the first place.

V. Don’t be stupid. But if you insist on being stupid, for the love of god, STAY OUT OF POLITICS!

VI. There’s more to life than your job. Work is what you do to be able to live. If it ever goes the other way around, then really, what is the point?

VII. Live life on your own terms. After all, it is yours.

VIII. Make sure your terms do not interfere with mine because we’re a bit tight on space.

IX. What ever you do, don’t fart in a spacesuit.

X. When you are young, listen to the old for they will teach you the lessons of life. When you are old, watch the young for they will show you the lessons left to learn.

XI. Don’t settle for being content. A content life is a stagnant life and stagnant is just a fancy word for what happens when you are dead.

XII. Smile at inappropriate times. Others may think you are crazy, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

XIII. Regardless of your religion, stop trying to read between the lines. They all say the same thing, which is this: “Love.” So please, Stop the Madness!

XIV. For you skeptics who still insist on reading between the lines, I will save you the time by telling you the only thing there, which is this: “Jesus is proof that abstinence isn’t 100% safe.”*

XV. That being the case. Make love. Have fun. And enjoy the ride. The alternative is boredom, and in the endless pursuit of The High Life you must never become bored with life.”

Good luck, thanks for reading, and keep in touch (


*Example of an inappropriate time to smile.