The Real Meaning of the Sacraments

In case you didn’t know, I went to a Catholic school for grade school. I was taught by nuns and yelled at by tall scary priest. I went through all the sacraments: made things up for confession and drank more wine than I was allotted during first communion. But, as every kid knows, the real point of the sacraments is you get to have a party afterwards and get Christian gifts and, (better yet) MONEY!